Blonde By Nature

Entomologist Justin Schmidt created the “Schmidt Sting Pain Index” after he had been stung by almost everything in the Hymenoptera family while working at the Carl Hayden Bee Research Center. This four-point scale compares the overall pain of insect stings:

• 0 for stings that are completely ineffective against humans
• 1-2, a familiar pain such as a common bee or wasp sting, and finished at
• 3-4 for the most painful stings

In his book, “Insect Defenses” the description of the most painful bite reads:  “Paraponera clavata stings induced immediate, excruciating pain and numbness to pencil-point pressure, as well as trembling in the form of a totally uncontrollable urge to shake the affected part.”

Here are some of his descriptions in synesthetic detail:

• 1.0 Sweat bee: Light, ephemeral, almost fruity. A tiny spark has singed a single hair on your arm.
• 1.2 Fire ant: Sharp, sudden, mildly alarming. Like walking across a shag carpet & reaching for the light switch.
• 1.8 Bullhorn acacia ant: A rare, piercing, elevated sort of pain. Someone has fired a staple into your cheek.
• 2.0 Bald-faced hornet: Rich, hearty, slightly crunchy. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.
• 2.0 Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.
• 2.x Honey bee and European hornet: Like a matchhead that flips off and burns on your skin.
• 3.0 Red harvester ant: Bold and unrelenting. Somebody is using a drill to excavate your ingrown toenail.
• 3.0 Paper wasp: Caustic & burning. Distinctly bitter aftertaste. Like spilling a beaker of hydrochloric acid on a paper cut.
• 4.0 Tarantula hawk: Blinding, fierce, shockingly electric. A running hair drier has been dropped into your bubble bath.
• 4.0+ Bullet ant: Pure, intense, brilliant pain. Like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a 3-inch rusty nail in your heel.

So the next time you get stung by a red harvester ant, you can tell your Doctor that the pain is a “3.0 on the Justin Schmidt, Schmidt Sting Pain Index” instead as cursing like a drunken sailor.

Resources: 1, 2

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